Senior Year

With eyes wide open

A muffled cry in the night

Another hand placed over another mouth

Silent tears of pain

Drowning out the hope

The perception that life is beautiful,

Ripped away in an instant

Stolen

By the one you trusted

Disgust

Runs through the veins

Weighing heavy on a shattered heart

Filth

No matter how hard you scrub

It never goes away

It is a part of you

An inducible reminder

Scars

Bring you back to that moment

You can’t fight it

A constant reminder of what once was

What will never be

Despair

Spills through your mind

Consuming you

Making you sick to your stomach

But you can’t purge pain

You can’t escape the fear you feel

At the sound of his name

The panic

As he walks past you

As if nothing happened

As if the faint smell of alcohol and entitlement

That trickled his breath

Never violated you

That when you said no

He didn’t hold your hands above your head

And when his hot breathe

Traced your body

It didn’t knock all of the life out of you

 There is no running,

No escape

You live a nightmare

With eyes wide open

One where you lie in a web of deceit

An uphill battle you fight alone

A secret burden on your back

Every night you pray for courage,

Searching for the strength to keep going

Moving forward

One step at a time

The only way you know how

Slowly pushing onwards

In pursuit of a former life

Speaking of a truth

That once choked you

Living half alive

With an emptiness

You don’t how to fill

Analysis

My senior year has been the  most fun year writing wise for me. I was able to explore so many different forms of writing through my journal entries and prompts which really helped me grow as a writer. I also became very good at showing and not telling: a skill that I have always struggled to master. I learned that i really enjoy to write poetry which is something I never thought in a million years that i would. I learned to be confident with my work, and not to second guess myself. There are so many pieces that I wrote this past semester that I am really proud of but I never would have been able to write them if I hadn't have pushed myself to be better these past few years.